Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
