Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
