no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
