I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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