Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
be right there i have to get my cape
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
