could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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