i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
