oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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