I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
