Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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