I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
did you just send me my own nude
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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