There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
