Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
