I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
