I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
