They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
