I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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