glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
