now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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