My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
