I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
