Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
