Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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