we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
