yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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