Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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