we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
