it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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