Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
