When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Randomize
