I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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