Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
