Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
