Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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