you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
