He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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