So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
