i just had sex bonerless
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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