Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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