Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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