I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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