found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
