Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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