can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
