It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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