Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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