How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Boobs are out for the taking
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
