You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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