in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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