I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
