just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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