i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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