dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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