the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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