She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
