Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
