I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
