We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
