Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
