Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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