I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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