Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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