would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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