All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
