Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
