I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
