why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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