apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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